Neon Genesis Evangelion: Yet Another Resplendent Gospel
by NewtypeS3
Summary: In an altered world where Misato Katsuragi is an Evangelion pilot, and Shinji is NERV's Field Commander, can Misato survive as a pilot of the top-secret Armored Warrior Evangelion? What other changes does this world have in store? Hope you survive the experience! Alternate Universe, of course.
1. 01: Nothing under the Sun is Truly New

**Neon Genesis Evangelion: Yet Another Resplendent Gospel**

 **Chapter 1: Nothing under the Sun is Truly New**

* * *

Tokyo-3 was quiet. Disturbingly quiet.

Had Misato Katsuragi not known any better, she'd have sworn that she'd made a wrong turn off the train station and stumbled into an actual zombie apocalypse. The stillness of the city gave her the eerie feeling that a shambling corpse was about to turn the corner, although things were very orderly and neat for a supposed apocalypse. Instead, the bustling megatropolis creatively named Tokyo-3 was simply quiet as the grave.

Except for the damned cicadas, anyhow.

The young woman had found herself stepping onto Platform 9 of the Tokyo-3 inter-city train station, expecting at least a bored uniformed employee with a sign saying "Katsuragi" in front of them while they played Flappy Penguin on their phone. Unfortunately, it seemed NERV couldn't even afford that. Not even an intern with the look of the light inside his soul having been extinguished long ago holding an old chunk of cardboard with letters scribbled on in sharpie. What should have been a busy train station in the middle of what could have been a bustling metropolis was empty, with the automated trains running almost quietly in the background. But at least the cicadas were still there, which kept making this eerie keening noise, echoing up and down the abandoned alleyways.

Yeah, not helping.

"This blows," the purple-haired teenager mumbled to herself as she left the train station, stepping off the curb onto the silent streets of Tokyo-3. Not even a single car waiting for her on the street, either, "You'd think the people who sent for me would bother to meet me here."

It was true. Katsuragi had arrived home after school, only to find a letter waiting for her on the front stoop. The envelope didn't have her address, just her name with a cartoony penguin printed on the right side. The contents, though, were more than a little strange. Flipping the letter over in her hands now, Misato frowned as her eyes skimmed what little text was printed there.

"Misato Katsuragi," she read aloud, "We cordially request you to come to Tokyo-3, and help fight for the sake of all mankind. The legacy of our fathers has come home."

Her face screwed up into a look of confusion for not the first time since reading the letter, "I swear, if this is another motherfucking ARG..." She looked down the street, trying to see if there was a visitor's map anywhere nearby, "Or if some asshole has decided to prank me, they're in deep shit."

She half-expected to see Ashton Kutcher the II walking down the street, a parade of cameramen following behind him, but it didn't happen. Her thoughts of paranoia were distracted by some very distant and muffled thooms of thunder, along with the ground shaking beneath her feet like the ground was sliding to the left. The thooms continued, and slowly grew in volume. Eventually, there world seemed to dim slightly as each noise was now accompanied with fight flashes of orange or green light.

"...the hell?" Misato wondered aloud, breaking into a jog up the empty street, the letter falling from her hands and blowing away in the wind. Misato didn't break pace as the noises grew in volume, and began to sound for all the world like footsteps.

As she approached the corner, Misato froze as a video game cutscene played in real life. After a louder than normal KRAKADOOOOOOM ripped through her ears, a bright red car tumbled through the air. The car, Misato would later realize, was a 1982 Lamborghini Countach LP500S. Luxury sports cars had become somewhat a rarity after Second Impact, and all that flashed through Misato's head was what a shame it was to see such a vehicle fly through the air like that.

The car, though, seemed to have other ideas in mind. There was a driver in this car, unlike the other ones Misato had passed on the side of the road. Aside from actually catching a glimpse of him behind the wheel, there was a distinct screaming coming from the driver. The Countach bounced off the ground, crushing the front bumper while sending the car into the air again. After a second crash that mangled the rear spoiler, the tires hit the pavement for the first time. The driver screamed once more, as his wheels squealed in protest and the car seemed to stick to the road rather than continue to fly away.

The car had landed five hundred feet from Misato, and it made up the distance in a matter of seconds. The Lamborghini stopped, an emergency break stop spinning what remained of the car so that the passenger side door faced Misato. As the driver reached across to the door's handle, a creek of protest rippled through the side of the car. With a pitiful crunch, the door fell off, dented into a shape that looked better as a shield used once by a knight that fought a dragon than a supercar's door.

The driver let out a groan, his sunglasses equally disheveled from the tumble his car had gone through. Straightening them on his face, the driver looked the stunned student in the eyes and spoke.

"Misato Katsuragi?"

The purple-haired woman's response was to blink. Twice.

"I'll take that as a yes." He took off the sunglasses, revealing gray-blue eyes that seemed to have experienced more years than his unshaven face indicated. It looked like he hadn't shaved in a day or two, and his black NERV Command uniform shared the impression, "My name's Shinji Ikari, I was supposed to pick you up before today took a turn for shit."

Misato blinked a third time. The name sounded familiar. She could have sworn she'd heard it in the news at some time. She opened her mouth to ask what the fuck was going on when the thooming sound that had been absent the last few seconds returned, and sounded even closer than ever.

Spinning around, Misato's mind broke as it tried to process what it was seeing.

Whatever fresh hell this creature had crawled from, it was big. The black-skinned monstrosity was lanky, with a stocky torso, massive shoulders, and lithe raven limbs that stretched for longer than it seemed could have supported its weight. What should have been arms had spears for elbows, and talons for fingers. The torso had what could have been bones ripping out of the body, but in such a way that seemed like it was trying to protect the crimson crystal embedded in its body. A simple face could be seen where a neck should have been, sitting between the shoulders. It looked like one of those old doctor's masks Misato remembered seeing in Medieval history class: dark pits for eyes, and a long "nose" that looked like a cross between a sword and a mosquito.

But what really got to her, locking Misato's brain into a blue screen of death, was the fact that it didn't really seem to be walking. Yes, it made the movements. Yes, it had feet. But each movement of the legs was accompanied by a dim orange glow, and a deep blast of wind. It was almost like it was floating, trying to imitate a human form.

"...the fuck."

"Oh, Jesus Christ," Shinji Ikari muttered to himself as he processed what Misato was gawping at instantly, "The Angel is on the move again. So much for the UN air support," He paused for a moment to look up at Misato as he shoved the gearstick into gear, "Get in the car!"

Misato didn't need to be told twice. She leapt over the door, and scrambled to put her seatbelt on before Ikari punched the pedal to the metal like he was about to star in The Fast and Furious XVII: Best Korean Drifting. As the supercar lurched from zero to sixty in seven seconds, speeding away from the gigantic monstrosity Shinji casually called an 'Angel,' Misato's brain moved onto a different track:

"Son of a bitch, I forgot my luggage."

Shinji Ikari raised an eyebrow as he spun the wheel and yanked on the e-brake again to slide the red wonder around a corner, away from the Angel. Not daring to glance at his passenger, he spoke up, "It can be replaced, believe me." The gale-force winds whipping through the Lamborghini's cabin left him shouting over the roar (and random clunks) of the engine and wind, " Now that you're in Tokyo-3, our insurance covers almost everything one can imagine." There was a pause as he shifted gears, and the car protested loudly. It almost sounded like some of the transmission had been left behind on the road, and the car was struggling to keep up appearances. Ikari grinned grimly as they hit 120 mph on a straightaway, "Except Acts of God. That's another policy."

Misato struggled to keep her hair out of her face, not sure if her savior was being serious or not. Now that her mind had begun to process the giant they were rapidly leaving behind, she could now see heavily modified Sikorsky helicopters in UN colors flying towards the beast. It looked like they were heavily modified to carry near-insane levels of ordinance rather than personnel, with missile launchers and miniguns the easiest modifications to spot.

All at once, the choppers seemed to freeze in place, then immediately reverse direction. Some of the choppers even swerved dangerously close to the rooftops of the city, swerving back and forth between the monoliths that made up the streets of downtown Tokyo-3.

Shinji Ikari's left arm shot up to his ear, helping him clear up static over his earbud connection, and his eyes widened, "Oh, Jesus Christ." he muttered, his eyes scanning the upcoming buildings, "They've decided to drop an N2 bomb on the Angel. Katsuragi, brace yourself. I'm going to try and find a garage or some place to hide bef-"

The cabin of the Countach dimmed dramatically as a bright light erupted from deep within the labyrinth of skyscrapers of Tokyo-3. A slow rumble could also be heard growing louder as the ground shook like Tokyo-3 was hit by an earthquake more powerful than the one that had dropped the original namesake into the sea more than a decade ago.

"Or we pray to God that I can out drive a nuclear bomb." Shinji growled as he slammed the Lamborghini into top gear and prayed to God that the grinding coming from the engine wasn't as bad as it sounded.

A loud roar of death whipped the red supercar into the air once more, tossing it like an impatient child. Misato tried to brace herself, but could barely hear herself think over the screams. It took her a few minutes to realize the screams she heard were her own, mixing with the grinding and crunches of the Countach's frame. The car slowly ground to a halt, sparks shooting from the roof of the vehicle as it dragged along the asphalt.

Popping her seatbelt, Misato fell against the leather-upholstered ceiling and let out a low moan. Lurching to the side, she crawled out of the remains of the vehicle and vomited onto the street.

"Hey," came a pained voice from the other side of the car. It was Shinji, his black NERV uniform caked in dust. His face was bruised, and the sunglasses had shattered in the last crash, "Good. You're alive."

"Mostly," she let out along with some spittle, "Your driving sucks ass, Mister Ikari."

"My father's driving is worse," he shot back, taking some deep breaths as he leaned against the former Countach and looked back towards what remained of Tokyo-3. The buildings all stood, so far as he and Misato could see, but the looming specter of a non-radioactive mushroom cloud rose up above the city. "Hey," Shinji spoke into his comm unit as he pressed his hand against his ear, "Ikari here. Blue-03 is still alive, isn't it?" He waited for a reply, but confirmation wasn't long in coming.

 **I AM.**

"Never mind, Aida," Shinji sighed as he rubbed at his forehead, "Too much to ask for. What's the best route to HQ?"

"Wh… what the fuck was that?" Misato held her hands against her ears as she shakily got to her feet.

 **I WAS GRANTED THE GIFT OF BEING FROM HE WHO IS CALLED I AM.**

 **GIVEN THIS QUEST, I LEAVE THE OCEANS OF MY BIRTH AND POWER.**

"Aaaaah, Christ," Misato Katsuragi fell against the flipped supercar, holding her head like she was suffering from the mother of all hangovers, "It's in my head..."

Shinji Ikari grimaced as he rubbed at his temple, looking back at the non-atomic cloud. The smoke was falling away now, and it was obvious as hell that the UN's last ditch effort hadn't worked.

 **I AM THE CRASHING WAVES OF MY LORD, YHWH.**

 **ANGEL OF THE WATERS OF THE SEA.**

"Welcome to Tokyo-3, Misato Katsuragi." Shinji grinned, as he grabbed her free hand and began to guide her to the nearest NERV transit tube, "I hope you survive the experience."

 **I AM SACHIEL.**

 **I WILL NOT BE STOPPED.**

* * *

Triple-thick, steel doors hissed shut behind Shinji and Misato. It had only taken a few minutes to reach an emergency transport tube. One of many that NERV had hidden througout Tokyo-3, it was a way for NERV employees to move safely to headquarters in case of emergency or disaster. Misato was sure there was more that Shinji wasn't saying, but wasn't in much of a mood to ask why.

Leaning against the bulkhead of the high-speed transport, Shinji reached into one of his uniform's inner pockets and pulled out a smartphone. Lost in his own world for a few moments, the phone eventually hooked into the security cameras of Tokyo-3. Taking her own seat on a surprisingly comfortable crash couch, Misato saw Shinji frown as he tapped a few times at his phone's screen.

" _Aida here,"_ came a somewhat nasal voice over the phone's speaker, _"Glad you made it to the tube system, Bossman."_

A smirk crossed Shinji's face briefly as he laughed, "Good to see this stuff we built is actually making it through an Angel attack and an N2 bomb." His face fell back to seriousness as he changed camera views on his phone, "What's the update on the Mark Zero and the Mark One? Doctor Ikari told me there was a chance we could get Zero ready before Blue-03 made landfall."

A soft groan came up over the phone before Aida continued, _"Well, Mark Zero is about as combat ready as it can be. We couldn't install the new arm, and the left leg still had the makeshift peg leg, but it can fight."_ There was another pause, and Shinji's face fell as he knew what was coming, _"...we just need to convince Pilot Akagi to give a damn."_

Shinji palmed his face and let out a low groan. Times like this were why he hated working with teenagers.

" _On the plus side, though,"_ Aida continued, his voice perking up slightly, _"If we had a pilot for Mark One, we'd be in business."_ there was another pause, before his voice dropped into what sounded like deep depression, _"Aside from the two week trial period, extensive synchronization testing, plugsuit fitting..."_

"...arm and leg?" Misato spoke for the first time since they got into the emergency person-mover, "Piloting?" She jumped off the seat she'd been standing on to spy over Shinji's shoulder and looked very warily at her mysterious savior, "Before we go any further, I want to know what the hell is going on. Was someone stupid enough to make one of those stupid Jaegers from Pacific Rim to fight that thing?"

A raised eyebrow told Misato more than she probably would have gotten in words. Before Shinji could confirm or deny verbally, though, a loud screeching echoed through the small subway car. The mover shuddered to a halt over the next few seconds, an ear-piercing noise that thankfully hurt less than the booming voice of… whatever the hell that was earlier. As the tram crawled to a halt, Shinji put his phone back in his jacket's inner pocket and simply waited for the doors to open.

* * *

Up on the surface of Tokyo-3, Sachiel waited. The last half-hour had drained much of its reserves, and left it in a recovery state. However, it did have the strength to speak. The words weren't directed to any mind in particular, and thus tended to skip just outside of almost everyone's perception. This was just as well, because the fact that Sachiel was still standing after an N2 nuke spoke volumes as to how durable it was and didn't need overly threatening biblical dialogue to assist.

Indeed, the deep black flesh that covered the spindly arms and awkward torso of the Angel merely seemed to smoke, in spite of the damage it had just tanked. Closer inspection, should one be insane to get that close, revealed that the flesh was bubbling like slow-boiling roofing tar. It oozed around the bubbles and the bones protruding from the Angel's inky darkness, yet never quite leaving the body like gravity says it should have.

A helicopter-based surverilance drone launched by the UN buzzed over the rooftops of the UN. A camera on the nose of the drone focused and re-focused as various lenses slid over the electronic eye. Infrared imaging showed a complete lack of body heat in spite of the recent non-nuclear assault, and instead registered the Angel as deep shades of blue and a dim black hole where the chest's ruby gem was located. A scan for electrical systems also revealed nothing, though no one was aprticularly surprised at this.

The camera slid back into the drone as it zoomed around the Angel to the back, a small SONAR pod sliding out instead. A deep scan of the beast also revealed nothing, instead registering literally nothing. It was as if the sliding flesh and bone absorbed the sonic waves. It was still very tracable, as it left a negative space during the scan, but those hoping to find something else out about the Angel were left disapointed and saddened.

As if done with the impromptu interview, Sachiel's body turned to face the small drone helicopter. The camera focused on the 'face' of the Angel for the first time, noticing that the face had become askew with the N2 blast. It was now angled off to its right, but a second face had begun growing beneath it. Both eyes flashed with a green glow as the creature reached up and began to bring its fist down upon the dro-

* * *

"...there we go. Just lost the drone," Kensuke Aida sighed softly as he leaned back against his chair in NERV's command center, known as Central Dogma, "Thought that would have happened sooner."

"I hadda feelin' that woulda happened," came from Aida's left. The voice belonged to one of the two other people assigned to combat roles in the CIC of NERV: Toji Suzahara.

While Kensuke Aida was a scrawny fellow with shaggy, sandy blonde hair and freckles to go along with his impossibly large and thick glasses, Toji was nearly the exact opposite. Toji filled out his beige uniform impressively, or at least as impressively as a beige NERV uniform could actually be filled. His short-cropped black hair and stern-looking face belied the fact that he was currently bored to death.

Yes, an Angel was attacking. Yes, Tokyo-3 was under attack. But his department handled city-to-Angel defenses. And currently, the UN was telling NERV to stay the hell away from the Angel, that it fell under their purview to blow it up. Perhaps not the way the UN would have phrased it, but it's what Toji felt.

The third seat in the command center's CIC arena was empty, normally occupied by Hikari Hokari. She was, however, currently trying her best to talk the aforementioned "Pilot Akagi" into taking the Zero out for a spin. This would also explain the screams of rage coming from the metaphorically-named Pilot Cages off to the left of the command center as well.

"I mean, come on, Ken," Toji continued, kicking his feet up on his deactivated console and leaning back, "Dey just had ta prove how awesome dey are. Notice how we ain't seen a single older model o' combat chopper? And how dat N2 Bomb was dropped by da only post Second Impact model o' stealth bomber?" closing his eyes, Toji let out an overly dramatic sigh, "Waste a funds and lives, man."

A throat being cleared made Toji snap to attention, with a cry of surprise. Jumping out of his seat, he snapped a salute to the source of the noise. To his surprise, a gentle laughing came from the commander's plinth, a 10 foot wall that the commander of NERV sat atop with his own special station. It wasn't hard to see the man in charge, either. A bright light shone down upon him, installed when Doctor Ikari had hired an interior decorator to try and cheer up the room a little.

The commander wore a dark black uniform, like his son Shinji. Unlike Shinji, Gendo Ikari was a man well into middle age, with a graying head of hair and beard of incredible shades of silver and gray. The orange-tinged sunglasses remained from the days of his youth, but they were now perscription.

"Relax, Mister Suzahara." Gendo chuckled, a grin slowly sliding across his face from a smirk, "I don't blame you for feeling frustrated at the actions of the UN security council. They're simply striking out at the dark in a strange and unfamiliar world, however." Standing up from his chair, Gendo pointed his index finger to the light above his head, "Which is why we must be the light for the darkness that pervades this world." he paused, sitting down again, "We just have to wait for their permission first." Another pause, before the old man smirked again, "If they take too much longer, though, then to hell with them. We need to keep ourselves safe, too."

* * *

After what felt like forever and a day, the doors to the NERV transport snapped open, revealing another sight that Misato wasn't expecting that day: a blue-haired older woman with bright red eyes, dressed in a rather revealing yellow bikini. She was dripping with some sort of liquid, but Misato wasn't sure why the liquid was orange. It really made her hair look almost brown at times, which made Misato think of someone else. The labcoat over her shoulders and thin glasses on her face, though, clicked with Misato as to whom she was looking at.

Although the blue hair and red eyes should have been an instant giveaway. It's been a long day.

"...Doctor Rei Ikari?"

Shinji grinned as he put a hand on Misato's shoulder, "Oh, good. You already know who my sister is."

Rei smiled softly, her hair continuing to drip orange as she used the towel in her hands to try and dry herself, "It is good to meet you again, Misato." Using her free arm, the female Ikari indicated they move down the hall together.

"But… you did my last physical at my old high school." Misato mumbled, the gears in her head turning about as fast as they could, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Indeed," the smile grew a little in size as Rei continued, "Unfortunately, some levels of suberfuge were required to find more recruits for NERV. I apologize, but all will be explained in time. Oh!" the older woman paused, turning back to her brother, "Father was asking for you when you arrived, Shinji. He… wants to know what happened to the car."

Shinji grimaced, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he sighed heavily, "Of course. Thanks, Rei." Turning towards Central Dogma, he added, "If you dont see me again, you've been a great sister."

"And you, Shinji, have been an excellent study in family," Rei said simply over her shoulder as she escorted Misato away.

"Love you too, Sis!" Shinji sarcastically called out.

* * *

An amber light began flashing across the main screen of Central Dogma, a 3D holographic display that took up a space often reserved for a small apartment building in scale.

"It's da UN," Toji predicted, booting up his console in anticipation, "Dey're giving up an' want us to take 'em down."

Much as Suzahara predicted, it was a uniformed man from the UN armed forces. His face looked harried and disturbed, and the man was shifting through mountains of paperwork.

" _Ikari."_

"Johnson," Gendo nodded back, "I assume the paperwork is completed?"

A heavy sigh escaped the man's lips as he replied with some mix of relief and fear, _"Yes. As of 10am, Tokyo-3 local time, we of the UN Advanced Xenoforce give power of the operation over to NERV, and the local defense forces of Tokyo-3."_

There was a brief pause as a few 'whoops' of joy could be heard from some of the personnel buried deep within Central Dogma's lower levels. Johnson sighed with the level of exhaustion that only a paper-pushing bureaucrat could summon up.

"You heard the gentleman, Suzahara. We've got two pilots in the Geofront, and an Angel at our doorstep. Operation Castle Under Seige," Gendo nodded to the eager young adult below. Pointing down from his station, Gendo let a small smile cross his face, "Warm up the anti-Angel defenses."

"Yessir!" Toji laughed, almost sounding maniacal as the man's fingers danced across his screens, "Land-to-air missile batteries are armed and ready. Capture nets are on standby. GAU-8/A Avenger autocannons warming up to speed as we speak."

"I still can't believe the US Air Force was willing to part with those. How many A-10 Thunderbolts did we have to buy to stock Tokyo-3?" Aida mused to no one in particular.

"Buy?" the elder Ikari asked, an eyebrow quirking at the question.

"Dont fuck this up, Ikari," the UN liason uttered, sounding almost bored as he put away the last of the paperwork estabishing NERV as in command of the operation.

 **I AM.**

Everyone in Central Dogma flinched. One of the many unnamed, white-uniformed NERV personel screamed. They clutched their hands to their ears, collapsing to the floor.

 **I AM THE ONE WHO ONCE RULED THE SEAS UNDER THE LORD, YHWH.**

 **I HAVE BEEN BURNED BY THOSE WHO WALK UNDERFOOT AND TOIL UPON THE LAND.**

 **THIS OFFENSE SHALL NOT GO UNAVENGED.**

The brief psychic soliloquy over, the booming thooms of earlier resumed. Each sound seemed ever-closer, and Central Dogma began to shake slightly.

"Believe me," Gendo Ikari replied, his voice plain, an eyebrow raised, "We have nothing but reminders right now."

* * *

"Shinji."

The words still stopped the 29-year-old cold. He was second in command of one of mankind's greatest secrets and most powerful paramilitary organizations, owner of a PHD in Psychology and a Masters degree in Military History. Shinji Ikari has helped face down the UN Budgetary Committee, without breaking a sweat. He's faced the wrath of the angriest redheaded German known to man.

And yet, a single word from his father made him feel like he was 14 again.

"Hello, father," Shinji forced an embarrassed grin as he rubbed at the back of his head as he approached the command tower in Central Dogma, "Rei said you wanted to speak with me?"

Gendo raised an eyebrow, his hands crossed in front of his face and eyes hidden by glare across his tinted glasses. It was moments like this where Shinji realized exactly how fucking scary his father could be. "I assume the car came back in one piece?"

Shinji's face looked like he had become a deer looking into oncoming traffic. Sensing a fresh kill, Gendo began to descend the stairs alongside the plinth, his hands behind his back. Shinji's near-fatal blue screen of death was finally interrupted by Gendo letting out a hearty laugh and descending from the command tower to embrace his son in one of his patented bear hugs.

"I saw everything, Shinji," he said, his laughter fading but the grin not leaving his face, "I'm actually impressed you got the car out of that first tumble… and I'm glad you're still alive." Not waiting for his son to recover from his near-death experience, Gendo slapped his son on the back and began to guide him out of Central Dogma, "Come, my son! Let's go meet our new pilot." As the door opened to the Pilot Cages, Gendo turned back to the crew manning the terminals in Central Dogma, "Aida! You're in command until I get back. Let's see if we can tick this Angel off."

* * *

Misato blinked as massive floodlights blinded her, moving an arm to shield her vision. She had just been lead into a very dark, very smelly room by someone she had assumed was just another doctor hired by her old school to perform yearly physicals. As it turns out, she was the head scientist for some demented top secret project that needed teenagers for hopefully non-nefarious reasons.

As her eyes adjusted to the brightness of the room, and her vision began to clear, she heard Dr. Ikari speak in her usual soft tone.

"May I present to you, mankind's greatest weapon: the Armored Warrior Evangelion."

Finally, Misato could see once more. And she found herself staring into a pair of massive, blank, yellow eyes. These eyes seemed to ignore her, instead staring straight ahead and glowing slightly. The eyes were by far from the least impressive thing about the Evangelion, though. A massive head and shoulders sat above an ocean of orange, decked out in purple armor that looked reminiscent of an ancient Samurai themed off of an insect. There was a single horn at the forehead, which jutted off into the air like a techno-unicorn, while it had a chin that was incredibly impressive and green. Its mouth was jagged and craggy, looking more like the idea of a mouth than an actual one with teeth that looked like they belonged to a James Bond villain.

"...what the fuck." Misato stared at the Evangelion, her face filled with emotions like shock, wonder, fear, and amazement. They all combined to create an entirely blank slate, in spite of the situation.

Rei had moved from the lightswitch to Misato's side while the teen had tried to adjust to reality taking a left turn. She smiled softly, "We spent years working on a way to defeat the Angels, not to mention the other things created by the Second Impact." She waved an arm all around them, as if to indicate all of NERV, as her voice began to rise in volume beyond her normal whisper, "All of this, is to protect the world we live on. For our future." There was a pause, and Rei brought Misato into a close hug as she grinned, "And you are going to pilot it."

"What."

The massive floodlights highlighting the Evangelion turned off, casting them both into darkness. After a few, long seconds, a single light turned on just to the left of the Evangelion's head, spraying new light atop the armor. Under the spotlight stood a pair of men, in black NERV uniforms. Misato obviously knew one was Shinji, but the other one looked more like an older, wisened and wiser version of the man she'd met earlier.

"The Angels currently aim to exterimate all of Mankind." the old man spoke slowly and gravely, "Under Tokyo-3 is an ancient artifact of immense power, and if they unite with it… all that we know ends. It has taken almost two decades, with immense losses, for us to develop these Evangelions, and they can only be piloted by the youth of today for reasons only we cannot begin to understand." Jumping from the shoulder armor, Gendo Ikari landed next to Misato with a grunt and a wince. Extending a hand to her, he asked, "Will you pilot it, and help save the world?"

"Sorry about this," Shinji spoke up as Misato remained quiet and in her own blue screen, "My father's always been about the dramatics."

Misato slowly recovered, her eyes focusing on the hand in front of her. Before she took it, however, she looked Gendo in the eyes. A few seconds passed, before she spoke.

"I'm getting paid for this."

"Immensely." came the reply, without hesitation.

"And hazard pay."

"With bonuses if you can bring the Evangelion back without a scratch."

A wide grin crossed Misato's face as she took the extended hand and shook it.

* * *

Upon the top of Tokyo-3, Sachiel slowly stode across the land. Sachiel was no longer moving between buildings, and instead seemed to be knocking them over like a petulant child. A push, a shove, and a 20-story skyscraper was wrenched from its foundations and began to tumble down to the streets below.

Unbeknownst to Sachiel, however, Tokyo-3 was a slumbering beast beginning to awaken.

 **SUCH CREATIONS ARE TEMPORARY, EASILY DESTROYED.**

 **THOSE OF THE CREATOR SHALL LAST FOR ALL T-**

Sachiel's words were cut off by a series of land-to-air missiles slamming him in the face. Four distinct explosions pushed him back several steps, bouncing off the shimmering orange that was an AT-Field.

 **USELESS. THIS WILL ONLY DELAY YOUR INEVIT-**

Sachiel was cut off once more, this time by a quartet of well-aimed GAU-8/A Avenger autocannons spewed 3,900 rounds per second each towards the center of their kill zone. AT-Fields popped up in all four directions, although the orange glow began to weaken and falter as well over sixty thousand individual bullets sprayed over the fields faster than the eye could track. After 10 seconds, the four towers had expended their ammunition, and retracted back into the streets of Tokyo-3.

And were immediately replaced by six more.

Sachiel's voice boomed once more across the minds of everyone in Tokyo-3.

 **I SHALL GRIND YOU ALL TO DUST.**

 **I SHALL TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN EXTERMINATING ALL OF YOU VERMIN.**

One of the six AT-Field extensions flickered and failed, opening Sachiel's flesh to the immense power of the Avenger. Near-molten-metal impacted into the Angel's flank, exploding with blue blood. The Angel screeched with rage, a noise heard by the ears rather than the mind. Two sets of eyes flashed green, and the surface of Tokyo-3 was ravaged by an explosion rising up in the shape of a crucifix.

 **YOU ARE ALL DICKS.**

* * *

"Ya tink I pissed him off, Aida?" Toji Suzahara ashed rhetorically, a grin crossing his face as he began to warm up the next set of anti-Angel defenses.

"Maybe." Kensuke replied, booting up the system normally manned by Hikari Hokari, built for monitoring the connection between pilot and Evangelion, "I think you should keep it up, just to be sure." There was a pause, as Aida was lost in thought, "...we did install those false buildings filled with explosives, right?"

"O' course." Suzahara replied, flipping a few switches across his switchboard, his grin staying as he watched some of the buildings surrounding Sachiel erupt in flames, and hearing the Angel roar with pain in reply.

 **I WILL CRUSH YOU WITHIN MY FINGERS, MORTAL.**

"I love dis job."

* * *

With a hiss and low droning, Misato was pulled inside the Evangelion. She had been told to hop into what's known as an "Entry Plug" and take a seat. A seat belt was provided, which was probably for the best. As the plug descended, Misato was shoved forward slightly as it crunched to a halt. A bizarre, sickly feeling was in the pit of her stomach as she sat in the darkness. It… it just didn't feel right.

"And now, the liquid oxygen." came Rei Ikari's calm voice over the comm system.

"Waitwaitwait, what?" Misato's eyes became like dinner plates, staring at the base of the entry plug, where that same orange fluid she saw surrounding the Evangelion earlier began to seep inside, "What the fuck, Ikari? You didn't warn me about this!"

"Oh." there was a pause as Rei could be heard talking with her father and brother for a few seconds, "It has been brought to my attention that I did, indeed, forget to warn you about the LCL. Oh well."

"Oh well?!" she shouted out loud, trying to undo the restraints keeping her buckled into the pilot's seat, "You bitch!"

Rei let out a giggle as Misato could head the comm unit change owners, this time to Shinji, "I'm sorry about that. My sister doesn't… really do human interaction much. It's ok, it's just hyper-oxygenated fluid that will help keep you alert." there was a pause, "And, yanno, help cushion any blows received in combat."

"I think I hate you both." Misato grumped as she crossed her arms and let the LCL flow over her, looking for all the world like the most depressed person alive.

"I like her," came Gendo's voice, a trace of mirth evident.

Finally, the LCL went over her head. A soft gurgle came up from Misato's throat as the air was replaced by orange fluid. A dull thrumming sound echoed throughout the chamber, and a wave of light flashed over her. More lights began to light up the chamber, a sparkling light shimmering over her and the orange-tinted LCL turned transparent as a soft electrical charge shot through the plug.

* * *

Fingers shot across both keyboards and touchscreens, as Kensuke filled in for Hikari Hokari. Multiple readouts showed a full-body scan of the Evangelion, vitals for Misato, and even a readout that called out "synchronization." Overlooking the readouts once more, Kensuke let out a low whistle.

"Dang. First time in the Entry Plug, and the girl registers a 45% synch ratio," he called back to the Ikaris, who had just come back from the Evangelion and pilot cages.

"Holy shit," Shinji muttered to himself, putting a hand on his chin thoughtfully, "We might just be able to pull this off."

"Take your time, bossman," Touji Suzahara spoke lazily as he flicked more switches across his station, "I may be out of ammo for the Avengers, but the capture net seem to get past those AT-Fields of Blue-03 easily."

 **I WILL EXTRACT YOUR SPINE AND USE IT FOR A TOOTHPICK.**

"Huh. Sounds like my late wife." Gendo laughed heartily, then paused as everyone stared at him, "What?"

 _"...am I launching now or what?"_ Misato's voice warbled over the comm system, her impatience with what could have been an awesome experience showing.

"Oh, indeed." Rei smiled, leaning near Aida's temporary EVA monitoring console. Her fingers flicked over a few key buttons, and the EVA launch system began to warm up, "A few words of advice: The Evangelion does what you think at it. Want to walk, think move forward. Punch? Imagine throwing a punch. Dance? It can do what you know." A timer began to count down on the screen, starting with ten, "We have apropriately-sized weapons, but no time to train you. Should you survive, you'll receive as much training as you can stomach."

Shinji facepalmed, "Rei, please don't put more doubt in her mind than she already has."

The timer reached three, and Rei's eyes widened slightly, "Oh, goodness! I almost forgot! Any time the Evangelion feels pain, you wind up feeling the equivalent pain as well."

 _"WAIT, WH-"_

Misato's scream of rage was completely cut off as Evangelion Mark One launched, blasting up to the surface of Tokyo-3.

* * *

After screaming her way through the armor layers between NERV HQ and the surface of Tokyo-3, the Evangelion Mark One and Misato thudded to a halt as their railgun-powered elevator hit the end of its rail. The head bobbed up and down, the first-person view inside the Entry Plug jostling with the head. There was a heavy clunk as the rail delivery system released the Evangelion, and the unit lurched forward slightly.

Misato's face contorted slightly as the weight of the Evangelion hit her. Her shoulders ached slightly, feeling the mass of the heavy shoulder pauldrons rising up like twin pylons into the sky. Her skin rose with goosebumps as she felt the wind blow across the armor and flesh of the EVA, and it was almost like she could feel the concrete and asphaly splinter and crack beneath her feet.

After several seconds of silence, Misato let out a burbled sigh in the LCL, "This… this feels awesome..."

 **I SEE SOMEONE FINALLY HAS THE BALLS TO COME FACE ME.**

The words echoed through the pilot's head, Misato wincing at the volume. It didn't take long to see the source of the voice, though. Sachiel, known only to Misato as Blue-03, came lurching in its disturbing marionette movement around one of the Tokyo-3 skyscrapers. It looked genuinely worse for the wear, as a clawed hand gripped at the building and crushed it. The tar-like flesh still bubbled, but looked like it had been stretched far too thin, revealing some shards of material similar to the bones protruding from the chest. The original mask had fallen to the ground, leaving the smaller face still on Sachiel. The shoulder armor had long since cracked, with the armor on the right shoulder looking like it was missing pieces. The deep red core, however, was undamaged.

Misato had to reflect that, while he still looked like something out of H.R. Geiger's rejected idead sketchbook, it no longer looked that menacing now that she was on eye-level with it.

Shinji's voice perked up over the comm system, his words slipping right into the earbud she was given before hopping into the Entry Plug, _"Remember, Misato. Relax. Take a breath. You can do this."_

" _I give her 451:1 odds of pulling this off."_

" _Not helping, Rei."_

Closing her eyes, Misato let out what should have been a deep breath. Trying her best to relax, she imagined taking a karate pose, based on several movies she'd seen with an old boyfriend during a weekend Kung Fu marathon on a local TV network. The Evangelion was slow to respond, but lurched into a respectable copy of a fighting pose one might have seen from a very early Bruce Lee knockoff movie. Maybe the one starring Li Bruce.

Taking another calming 'breath,' Misato thought one thing: charge! Within seconds, the Evangelion burst into a run. It was nothing short of exhilarating, it was like speeding through the city in a convertible with the top down, but without the car. Misato let out a whoop of joy without realizing it, aiming a straight punch at the face of the Angel as it oozed fully from behind the building.

Sachiel caught the punch in its claw.

 **THEY SENT A CHILD TO FIGHT AGAINST A MESSENGER FROM YHWH?**

 **PITIFUL.**

The punch was tossed to the side, and Misato was sent into the building that Sachiel had just come from behind. The Evangelion's fist drove right into the building, and through the other side.

"Oh, fuck," Misato groaned, ripping the Evangelion's arm free and ignoring the feeling of papercuts across her arm where the Evangelion's flesh ripped and tore from the building, "Any advice?"

 **MAKE PEACE WITH MY GOD.**

"Not you!" she spat, making the Evangelion spin back with her mind, throwing up both arms protectively in front of herself, "Ikari! What weapons do we have?!"

* * *

"Toji," Shinji looked to his friend of several years, a look of concern evident on his face, "Any of the Evangelion armorment buildings still standing?"

Toji frowned as he bent back over his console, tapping away at inventory lists. His face fell as he saw the readouts, "Naah, Bossman. I hadta explode the few we had."

Shinji palmed his face, leaning against the command plinth, "Of fucking course we did."

"At least the onboard armorments were put on last Tuesday," Rei spoke up hopefully, a smile on her face as she leant next to her brother.

"Thank God for small favors," the younger male Ikari sighed as he tapped at his own earbud, not even bothering to ask why Rei hadn't brought it up yet, "Katsuragi, you've got some onboard weapons. A handgun and bowie knife, scaled for the EVA."

* * *

It turned out to be a good thing that Misato had brought her arms up to block anything that might have been incoming. Blue-03 had taken the opportunity to thrust a single arm forward, a bulge in the flesh shooting from the shoulder down, eventually ripping through the solid gem in the center of its hand as a gigantic green blast of energy. Misato screamed as her Evangelion was enveloped by the wave of energy, an explosion directed her way.

Nausea whipped through her body as she felt the Evangelion get ripped away from the ground, and a shock went up her spine as the Eva hit a building about five blocks away.

Feeling blood drip down her forehead without bleeding, Misato groaned as the Evangelion tried to get back onto its feet, "I think the handgun is going to be about as useful as a grenade in a nuke fight, Mister Ikari."

Just as soon as the Mark One had finally regained balance and stood, armor smoking and crusted with burns, Sachiel was already filling up Misato's vision. Before the teen could curse, Blue-03 had grabbed onto the right arm of her Evangelion just above the elbow, which was propping her up against the building. There was a twist almost faster than her eyes could see, and something snapped.

 **I SHALL TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN THIS, MORTAL.**

Misato screamed, grabbing her right arm like it had just been broken. While the Evangelion's arm hung loosely at its side, Misato's was still with a full range of movement and undamaged. No matter what she tried to tell herself, though, it still hurt like a bitch. She heard Shinji over her earbud, trying to get her to not panic and how it wasn't her arm that just broke. It took all her strength not to scream how she was going to shove his arm up his ass when she next saw him. The gritted teeth and locked jaw helped.

She tried to make her Evangelion pull back and run, only for Sachiel to lean in closer and jab its other clawed hand deep into the Mark One's torso. A ripping sound shuddered up the Entry Plug as a wound the size of a minivan was torn into the side of her. Before she could process the pain, the world turned dark.

 **PITIFUL.**

* * *

"Oh, fuck," Kensuke Aida muttered, watching the pilot's mental processes flatline on his screen, the synch ratio plummeting into the single digits as Misato lost consiousness, "She's out cold. Pilot's synch has dropped to 5%, and we're fucked."

Shinji had crossed the command room before Kensuke had finished speaking. Leaning over his friend's shoulder, Shinji looked over the same readouts, "Anything we can do for her?"

"...how do you feel about prayer?"

Shinji growled with frustration, pushing an empty chair across the room, "Fuck!"

"On da plus side," Toji spoke up softly as Shinji began to pace the room, "Blue-03 has left da kid alone."

A thunderous explosion came from overhead, and some dust trickled down from the rafters. The after-effects of the explosion echoed through Central Dogma, shaking everything.

"...and now, da bastard's tryin' to dig down to us."

Silence again filled the room. A slight shuffle from the Pilot Cages was heard. Hikari Hokari, herself also wearing a tan NERV uniform, entered the room. She looked slightly disheveled, like she'd been in a fistfight or shouting match, or both. Plopping down in her chair next to Aida, who had moved back to his console. Hokari sat quietly for several seconds, then let out a scream of frustration, putting her head into her hands. After the fourty second scream strangled to a close, Hikari's face was back to what some might consider normal.

"It took a lot of yelling," she said, weary, "and bribes. But Ritsuko has finally agreed to pilot."

Shinji let out a sigh of relief, turning to Kensuke, "Aida, get the Mark Zero rea-"

Alarms erupted from the Hikari's console, the ones focused on the Mark One. Moving her hands across the touchscreen, Hikari squaked in surprise, "That new kid? She's awake!"

* * *

With a bleary groan, Misato Katsuragi began to drift back to consiousness. She tried to remember what had happened to her, and the last several minutes came in a rush to her. Pain. Failure. That… that fucking Angel. He hurt her. Misato mumbled to herself, blinking through the fog of sleep, imagining the Evangelion upright. He hurt her. The Mark One lurched to its feet, the broken arm cradled underneath its torso. Misato's mind cleared, as she finally saw Sachiel.

It was about a half-mile away, standing in the middle of a crater. Steel and concrete had bent away, and an explosion of green rose into the air, burning away another layer of Tokyo-3. Sachiel stood in the center of the explosion, unharmed, looking down at the center of the pit.

 **SOON. NO ONE CAN STAND IN MY WAY NOW.**

Armor on the right shoulder pauldron hissed and popped away, revealing the hilt of an Evangelion-sized bowie knife. He had hurt her. She lifted the left arm, gripping the faux-leather hilt and pulled. A twenty-five foot long blade came free, and began to vibrate slightly as the progressive engine inside the blade kicked in.

 _HE HAD HURT HER._

With a scream of rage, Misato and the Evangelion charged forward, knife at her side. Sachiel's back was turned, and seemed too intent on blowing up the ground to notice the charging ten story tall organic mecha from behind. A push of impossibly strong legs, and the mech launched into the air, knife drawn back. Landing on Sachiel's back, Misato brought the knife around, digging into the Angel's flesh.

Sachiel let out an unearthly howl as blue fluid poured forth from the wound, thrashing wildly to try and disloge Misato from its back. The Evangelion's eyes glowed a bright yellow and the armor around the mouth began to crack as the monster's jaw opened. Rows of pearly white could be seen as the Evangelion bit into the Angel's shoulder, ripping at the armor found there.

 **SAVAGE MORTAL! I HAVE EXISTED SINCE TIME IMMORIAM, AND WILL NOT BE THWARTED NOW!**

An overly long, spindly arm stretched out behind the Angel and grabbed at the back of the Evangelion. Armor and flesh began to crumple and tear in Sachiel's grip, the armor eventually snapping off of the Eva unit.

Misato and the Evangelion howled with rage, but their only reply was to begin stabbing Sachiel more and more. The Angel's voice filled her mind, shouts of pain and curses that her mind couldn't begin to interpret. They were seeing red, and there was no stopping the combined assault of Misato Katsuragi and her Evangelion steed. As if by instinct, the Evangelion's blade began stabbing closer to the crimson core of the Angel, chipping away at the surface on a glancing blow.

 **NO! MY ESSENCE SHALL NOT BE SULLIED BY YOUR-**

This time, the knife struck home, the chipped surface cracking under the progressive bowie knife's vibration and the power behind the Evangelion's blow. The knife sunk down halfway to the hilt, clouds of pink steam billowing from the sphere. Another cry of pain beyond anything Misato could comprehend filled her mind, and the enemy began to weaken. There was a low, keening sound that came from deep within the Angel's body, crying out to the heavens. Sachiel's limbs grew weak, and the Angel slowly slouched forward – hitting the ground like a deflated balloon.

 **I HAVE FAILED.**

 **MY BRETHEREN WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU, MORTALS.**

 **I DO.**

 **FAREWELL.**

Sachiel exploded, a last effort to spite the Evangelion that had caused so much pain and suffering to the Angel coloqually known as Blue-03. As the flames and smoke began to clear from the final gasp of life from Sachiel, an outline of the Evangelion Mark One could be seen trudging forward.

The Evangelion had lost most of its armor in the explosion, and the shards that remained were either covered in claw marks, or burned almost beyond recognition. The Evangelion let the blade it was carrying drop, choosing to gently cradle its right arm. The unit limped, part of the left leg having burned away in the explosion.

"Fuck you too." Misato growled, tossing a middle finger up over her shoulder at the smoking pit that was Sachiel's final resting place.

The Evangelion was able to take one last step before both legs gave out, and the Evangelion collapsed in a heap of exhausted flesh. The yellow unearthly eyes of the EVA dimmed, as if the unit itself was unconsious, as Misato began to fall back into unconsiousness.

" _Good job kid,"_ she heard Shinji's voice over the comm system as she began to fall back to the land of slumber, _"I really didn't think you could do it, but goddamn. That was awesome."_

"I hate you," she mumbled, somewhere between being awake and out cold, "I hate you all."


	2. 02: And on the Seventh Day, He Rested

My apologies on the delay, everyone. I had been planning a longer chapter, and a slightly faster release for it... but then my grandfather and mother-in-law had strokes on the same goddamned day. While my grandfather is up and about, flirting with nurses while making fantastic strides in a walker, my mother-in-law has been a lot more serious. My momentum has been stalled a little thanks to this, but she seems to be over the hump right now.

Here's hoping things go a ton better!

* * *

 **Neon Genesis Evangelion: Yet Another Resplendent Gospel**

 **Chapter 2: And on the Seventh Day, He Rested.**

* * *

Slowly, Misato Katsuragi awoke to the world. It was a slow process, but the first thing Misato would later remember was a steady beeping. It echoed in the back of any dreams she had, making for a more surreal series of dreams than normal. Somehow, even dreams of flying turned into dreams of bomb disposal, or of having only a half-heart left in Legend of Zelda. There as also someone's voice, but she could barely make it out through the layer of sleep. Her eyes fluttered, and she winced as harsh light spilled into her vision. A deep groan came from her sore throat as Misato forced her eyes closed again. It felt like she'd been run over by a truck. And then they decided to go back over her in reverse.

"I'll talk to you later, Rei," the voice said, starting to sound more like a clear human voice, "Looks like our new pilot is awake."

Misato opened her eyes again, feeling less like she was awash in an ocean of light. In fact, she could feel soft but cheap sheets surrounding her, and a distinct sharp pain in her right arm as she tried to move it.

"Hospital, huh?" she mumbled, putting her right arm back where it was, "Feel like someone hit every square inch of me with a baseball bat."

There was a laugh from the voice. As Misato's vision began to clear and adjust to the light, she finally saw that it was Shinji Ikari. He was sitting in one of the uncomfortable chairs that could be found in one of the recovery rooms in any given hospital. He slid out of the chair and winced as he straightened his back, "Well, the Angel only self-destructed as its final act. You're lucky you and the Mark One came out in one piece." Bending over Misato, be put his hand over hers and smiled, "You were awesome, Misato."

Misato smiled back, feeling sleep claim her again.

"I'll be here," Shinji assured her as her eyes closed again, "Don't you worry about a thing."

* * *

In a dark room, buried deep within Terminal Dogma, Gendo Ikari stood alone. However, he was not unobserved. Surrounding him were twelve monolithic holograms, appearing to be made out of solid obsidian. Upon each monolith could be seen red bold text, declaring SEELE and SOUND ONLY, with a number of one through twelve associated with each one individually. Gendo stood at the center of the circle they made, a spotlight shining down upon his graying hair. His hands behind his back, Gendo simply stood at attention, listening to the words being directed at him.

 _"Ikari,"_ boomed the monolith labeled 01, the voice belonging to what sounded like a wizened old man, _"The results of the Mark-One's second deployment are… most satisfactory."_

A voice behind monolith 03 scoffed, a Scottish accent thick in his voice, _"Bah! The sheer cost of replacement limbs for the Mark-Zero, not to mention repairs for the Mark-One, would bankrupt most third-world nations. When we add in the cost of the repairs needed for Tokyo-3..."_

 _"Silence!"_ shrieked 12, a shrill man who demanded respect rather than earned it, _"One of the Messengers from the prophecy has been struck down. One step has been taken towards the completion of the Human Instrumentality Project's completion. There can be no comparison made with Earthly things."_

 _"Indeed,"_ agreed 04, a shuffling of papers could be heard from his monolith's speaker, _"However, I must ask… why his daughter? It seems most peculiar that the daughter of Katsuragi could fight that which he summoned."_

 _"Just fate pretending to be deep and meaningful,"_ 11 spoke, sounding bored with the subject, _"It's not in the prophecy, after all."_

 _"Regardless,"_ 01 continued on, _"Your progress on the Human Instrumentality Project must continue. It remains our only hope in such desperate times."_ a pause, as the other monoliths began to switch off, _"Thank you for your time, Ikari. The meeting will resume without you."_

The last monolith vanished into the darkness, and the room resumed normal lighting. Gendo stretched his limbs and adjusted his glasses. Letting out a low sigh, Gendo turned around and began to leave the room.

"Desperate times may call for desperate measures," he spoke to no one but himself, "But mankind is not that desperate yet."

* * *

Back at the hospital, Shinji looked over some paperwork with a raised eyebrow. It was Misato's discharge paperwork, and everything seemed to be normal. Except for a few lines down at the bottom of her paperwork.

"What do you mean," Shinji re-read the line at the bottom of the medical document, "I'm her legal guardian?"

"Well..." the nurse fidgeted nervously under Ikari's questioning look, "NERV Headquarters called in the change of guardianship. The fax looked legitimate, so we simply proceeded to… change… it..."

"Something is dreadfully wrong," the younger Ikari muttered to himself, signing the final lines on the paperwork and handing it back to the nurse. He pulled his phone out of his uniform jacket and hit his father on speed dial, "And it has my father's fingerprints all over it."

" _Hello, Shinji,"_ came his father's incredibly bland voice, as if he was forcing a smile down, " _What can I do for my favorite son today?"_

"Only son," Shinji corrected, rolling his eyes, "and what do you mean I'm now Katsuragi's legal guardian?"

There was a long pause, and it took almost a minute. When Gendo spoke again, his voice was different, " _You spend all of your time at work, or at home asleep, Shinji. You don't date, you don't have a private life… and I won't be getting any grandkids at this rate."_

Shinji sputtered at the implication, trying his best not to rouse the sleeping Misato as he hissed, "Father, s-she's seventeen!"

There was a longer pause, " _...I meant I could at least treat her like a granddaughter, now get your head out of the gutter."_ Shinji could tell his father was doing his best not to laugh, however, " _She's living with you, and that's final. It'll be good for you, build character."_ Another pause, " _Besides, PenPen could use the company."_

"Fine," the younger Ikari sighed heavily, feeling there was no way escaping this argument, "But I'm keeping the car."

" _Repairs come out of your paycheck, then."_ Gendo shot back, but feeling it was a fair compromise.

* * *

Shinji Ikari's newly-won Lamborghini Countach LP500S looked like it had seen better days. In fact, it probably had better past lives. While the car still ran, it was a decidedly more tamed affair than the roaring Supercar that had escorted Misato most of the way into NERV yesterday morning. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the red car of so many men's dreams was now driving with a front tire at a 20-degree angle, a shattered windshield, and two missing doors. Perhaps it was the fact that the motor sounded like a distressed party of kittens trying to swarm a bowl of milk, not the unleashed and untamed tigers that it once had been. Or maybe the fact that the steering wheel had just come off in Mister Ikari's hands. Or maybe it was all of the above.

Shinji Ikari sighed and let the steering wheel drop to the floorboards of what remained of his car. The wheel bounced, then rolled out of the car for several feet before falling pathetically to the ground. Thankfully, he'd just parked at his apartment complex, or else getting home would have been more interesting than the drive to NERV had been yesterday.

Unbuckling himself from the deathtrap his car had become, he smiled and waved an arm to the apartment complex in front of himself and Misato. With a flourish that the complex really didn't deserve, Shinji said, "Welcome to HINTERN."

"It looks like the ghetto moved out because of declining property values, Mister Ikari." was all Misato could say in return as she extricated herself from the former car. Misato wasn't wearing the casual clothing she'd arrived at Tokyo-3 in. Casual exposure to LCL tended to ruin clothes, and NERV instead had given her a borrowed beige NERV uniform skirt and white shirt.

Shinji winced. She wasn't wrong. While the apartment block was solidly built, it was completely unfinished on the right side. In fact, only Shinji's apartment was completely finished, leaving him the only person in the entire complex.

"Hey," he said defensively, crossing his arms over his chest as he began leading Misato to the sole finished apartment, "This was an abandoned project when I was hired on. It turns out they only finished one apartment in the entire block." he paused, frowning slightly, "I've been trying to convince Father to put more money into it, but the city's defense takes priority."

Misato rolled her eyes only the way a teenager could, "Whatever, Mister Shinji." Walking up the front steps behind him, she let out a soft puff of air, "Your dad is really weird, you know. Making me bunk with you."

"He's always been weird, Misato," Shinji corrected as he unlocked the apartment's front door, "I think it's his way of looking out for the both of us. Somehow."

Unceremoniously, the door to the apartment creeked open. A flick of the lightswitch revealed the inside. Misato had been expecting a run-down, miserable little one-bedroom hole in the wall with unfinished walls and floors. Or a missing wall. Instead…

"This is… really nice, Mister Shinji," Misato blinked in surprise, having stopped in the doorway behind Shinji. After a few seconds, her brain finally processed the reboot, and she stepped into her new home. "I was expecting..." she trailed off, looking around the apartment.

It was very plain. The walls were a default white, and the carpet a beige-ish gray. A simple three-person couch and small coffee table could be seen in front of a wall-mounted television. Kitchen was normal, and standard except for what looked like a massive freezer extension off to one side. All of the traditional sliding doors, though, were replaced by western ones, likely for budget reasons. But… strangely, that was it. There seemed to be almost no flair to the apartment at all. Aside from a very heavily used and well-loved cello leaning in the corner of the living space, it almost seemed like Shinji didn't even live here. The walls were bare, and devoid of even a family picture.

"...I somehow expected more." she finally finished, sounding flat and confused.

Shinji looked around, as if seeing his home again for the first time. He shrugged embarrassedly, "I kinda spend a lot of time at work..."

"Wark!"

Misato froze, looking around like she'd just heard an unearthly demon quacking in affirmation, "...what was that?"

"My roomate." Shinji replied, not bothering to look back at Misato's concerned face as he opened the fridge to see what was available.

Misato slowly snuck further into the apartment, ingoring Shinji's mumbling about what was available versus what would actually be edible. As Shinji grumbled about the overboard selection of ramen in the cupboards, Misato peeked her head around the fridge, which she was certain was the direction the WARK had come from.

"Roomate?" She asked, wondering what sort of human being could have created that noise… then saw it. And screamed.

* * *

The sun began to set over Tokyo-3, and mankind has survived to live another day. While the city still showed extensive damage from the Angel's assault, small pieces of the city began to show reconstruction efforts. In fact, those buildings that had only fallen over had actually been dragged back up into an upright position, thanks in one case to a grumpy Evangelion Unit-00. That was after Pilot Akagi had been bribed with the newest model MP3 player from Apple, but a few hundred dollars was worth avoiding paying for a new building.

The day was winding down, and the staff of Terminal Dogma were reviewing final reports before closing down for the night. Gendo Ikari himself had gone home earlier, citing wanting to avoid the traffic.

Kensuke Aida looked over the readouts he was receiving from his control panel. He let out a low whistle as he saw the general status report from the machine, "Wow. I was not expecting the defenses to be back up to 50% in one day."

"What do y'expect, Ken?" Toji Suzahara grinned as he ran a few tests on the recently-installed weapons buildings in the city, "Dat American company… what were dey called?" Toji pulled a business card out of his uniform's jacket pocket, "Damage Control. Right. Dose guys fixed up New York in a week and a half after dat last Kaiju attack."

"Didn't the Statue of Liberty got beheaded?" Hikari Hokari raised an eyebrow, turning to look at Toji, "How the heck did they fix that?"

Toji shrugged, "Damned if I know. Da city had to pay a pretty penny to fix it, though."

Kensuke adjusted his glasses, the glass going bright white as they caught a reflecting from his computer, "And with nigh-infinite funds from the UN, we've got a few to spend."

"Damn straight."

* * *

Pen-Pen looked up at the ecstatic teenager squealing in front of him. Humans. Whatever. The three foot tall penguin simply shrugged its flippers as it tried to waddle past Misato and see what his servant was working on in the kitchen. He let out a squak of surprise as the purple-haired one grabbed him and pulled him into a gigantic hug, rubbing his head.

Ok. Maybe this human wasn't bad.

"Oh my god, Mister Shinji," Misato squealed as she held the Penguin as tight as possible, "How the hell do you have a Penguin here? How old is he? What does he eat? How did this happen?"

Shinji laughed heartily, looking around the corner at the sight and grinned. He ducked back into the kitchen, but replied, "NERV tried to have a mascot about three years ago for the public marketing, and Pen-Pen was chosen to represent us. It… didn't really work, and I took him in." he paused as the fridge closed, "I don't know how old he is, and he eats about whatever he wants."

Misato squeezed Pen-Pen harder and let out a girly giggle, "I'm going to never stop loving you, little guy. You are just so cute."

"Wark."

A loud bong noise caught Misato's attention. Reluctantly pulling away from her new best friend forever, Misato saw Shinji picking up a large frying pan off the floor. Where he placed the pan on the stove, there were some ingredients she couldn't place. Leaving PenPen to satisfy her curiosity, Misato slid over to the fridge and peeked around the side.

"So," she asked, seeing the small bowl of already-made mashed potatoes, platter of ground meat, and a few other small ingredients, "...what is for dinner, exactly?"

As he dumped all of the meat into a large bowl and began mixing in an egg, onion, bread crumbs, and spices Misato couldn't place, Shinji let out an embarrassed cough as he muttered "Frikadeller."

"...bless you?" confusion was etched onto Misato's face as she raised an eyebrow.

Speaking with more confidence, but a faint air of embarrassment still evident, Shinji continued, "Frikadeller. It's basically fried meat dumplings, and the mashed potatoes go great with it."

"I didn't see you for an exotic food fan," Misato watched him mix up the meat, making it into small patties and tossing them into a pan filled with melted butter.

Mister Ikari laughed softly, pitching the last frikadeller into the pan and washing his hands after, "Well, I spent some of my time after the Second Impact War in Germany in University. Humboldt University of Berlin-2, actually." he grew wistful, looking off to the side as he began to fry the frikadeller in the now-heated butter, "NERV has a branch near there, and I was able to worm my way into the Berlin-2 branch without much trouble from Father."

"Wow..." Misato watched him prepare the frikadeller with an expert hand, flipping them with a single hand and catching them with the pan.

"I was there for a few years," Shinji continued as the frikadeller finally finished and he began scooping them onto a serving plate, "And I just got a taste for the food. It brings back some good memories," he paused, thinking about something for a moment, "And I don't think you can have too many of those these days."

"Wark!" PenPen agreed as he speared one of the frikadeller for himself with his flipper, waddling back to his freezer.

* * *

::Reader Feedback::

Max and first-Guest-guy, thanks for the kind reviews. I do understand your complaints on the level of profanity I had in the first chapter. I thought it was justified at the time, considering the situation that the NERV crew was in. However, it does seem a little excessive in retrospect. I won't go back and edit, but I will try and make it a lot more rare. You'll just have to wait to see how messed up the character dynamics get, though, Max.

Oddman, I put up "segments" or "previews" of next chapters on Spacebattles, where I slowly create all of the chapters for posting here. It's basically the same end result, though, and this chapter is as far as I've gotten. I'll try and trim the Claremont-level phonetic dialogue down, but I feel it's kinda part of Toji's character. Most of my time in EVA was spent with the manga, and the Viz translation went with a thick "Brooklyn" accent for Toji's dialect.

Second-guest-guy and Viper, I hope you liked this one!


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